A tough decision...a real heart

So on this Chalene JUMP challenge, some of the info is in a video and the rest is written. I will be honest and say that I totally watched the video and then I skimmed the written part below. NOT COOL! I totally missed on Day 1 that I was supposed to make a top priority statement.


When a friend brought that to my attention and I realized that I had to make a tough decision. Do I make my family my number one priority or do I make myself my number one priority. I already hear some baulking so let me explain.

This is hard for me to say because my family is such a huge part of who I am. Growing up in the military you have friends, good friends, but often times those relationships fade when you move to a new base and have to make new friends. If you are lucky you will meet a friend that holds on through multiple moves and truly cares. I have been lucky to have a few of those, (Trey, Phil, Bo, Steph, Leta,...) but mostly it was an out of sight out of mind relational sort of growing up. You hold on to those that are around you. You make special bonds with family. By family most of you are probably thinking grandma, grandpas, aunts, uncles, etc. In the military, that is another luxury you dont have. I dont remember meeting my grandparents until the fourth grade. This was a tough situation because we had to live with people we didnt really know because my mom was sick. We moved from Okinawa Japan to St. Louis MO and our lives were completely changed in less than a month.

While it was great being in a new place and meeting new people it was tough to be a kid then. My grandparents were great! They really got us involved in the community, they let us be kids, they disciplined us, but at this point in my life, I feel something changed. I went from being a kid to being the caretaker. I worried constantly about my brother and sister and how they were taking being away from mom and dad. I worried about mom and dad. I worried about the what if's and not really knowing what was going on believe me, there were a lot of pretty bad what if's. But in the end it brought us closer. We finally got to meet our extended family and they became a part of our lives.

So for me, immediate family is not only your family, they are your closest friends, your confidants, and even when you are spitting mad at them, they are the only ones there to fall back on. You dont have the luxury of leaving your friends (a.k.a. your family) to make a different type of bond. You learn and grow with your family, your forgive things that other friends wouldnt, you know that person for who they are truely, you are there no matter what. So to say that they are second on my list takes some real effort.

While my family is ridiculously important to me there is a point where I have to make a life for myself that will give me a future unlike anything I have ever imagined. I have put a lot of thought into this and I think my being secure in my financial standing, my health, my weight, my relationships outside of my family as well as within my family, will be the piece that is currently missing.

If I am more secure with myself, the relationships I have with others will either grow or dissolve. That is a scary notion, the dissolving of relationships. But, I want to surround myself with positive people. If the people in my life dont understand that then our relationship is not the sort I need to be in. It will either grow and mature to something powerful or crash miserably into the abyss. Either way, I am ready to make that change.

In order to get to that place I need to be seure with who I am, where I am in my life, and realize that change is something I have to make happen, it isnt just going to fall into my lap. I want to stand in the mirror and not see a unhealthy person, I want to see tone muscle, I want to see glowing skin, I want to see a happy person. I want to not question every move I make. I want to be proud of my work and really feel like I am making a difference. I want to look at the bills coming in each month and know exactly how I am going to tackle and that there is an end in sight.

By focusing on my security, I will be more open in my relationships. I will have more energy for my 5 year old niece, who frankly, runs my a** ragged. I will be more secure with my appearance, my abilities, my talents. This will do more for myself and in turn, for my family.

So there is the bombshell. I am open to talking about this if anyone has questions. I would love to tell you about Chalene's Jump program if you are interested.

Its a lot to take in on a Sunday but I cant think of a better day to start.