Yep, it is happening...

So I have sworn off for to many years the making of a New Year's Resolution.

The simple fact is that I was always the one that was afraid to fail. So here goes. Whether I fail or not my New Years Resolution is to be in a half marathon this year. I am shooting for April but I have decided to not put such restrictions on myself. I will give it a year, and at that time I will have completed one.

The first step...

My sister bought me this amazing interval timer for Christmas, the first step is to learn how to use it and get my ass to the gym. I have no excuse as there is one less than a block from my house and it is free.

I will be honest and tell you that I need some encouragement and some accountability. Therefore, I will be getting one here every night to put up my totals for the day. I will tell you how far I ran, my time, my speed, all that jazz.

Now, it may be boring for you so you are not required to keep track. I am doing it as an accountability thing. I vow to be honest on the days that I will skip, I vow to be honest when I have puked my guts out (which I have been assured will probably happen), and I vow most of all to do this for me and no one else.

So here goes... day 1 is tomorrow, Saturday January 1st. See you back here. . .

Planet Sub Cashier Godsmacked me

So, on Tuesday I went home to tag, title and license the truck. Dad and I decided to grab lunch right quick before he had to go to work and that is when it happened. UGH!  Yep another Godsmack.

I am standing in line at Planet Sub and I have already ordered and I say "and whatever he wants..." and dad orders. I go to hand the guy my card as my dad is throwing  twenty at him. The guy looks at me and flat out takes my dad's twenty. I am pissed because I was paying for lunch to say thanks for dad taking me around to help with my truck.

When I ask the guy why he took dads money he said "Because he is a gentlemen".

WHAT! REALLY?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

Yes, that was my first reaction. Then as I sat there waiting for them to bring out the subs I began to think. Which, as we know, is never good. But it occured to me that I was fighting with my dad over a sub sandwich. Not because it was devastational to me that he paid, not because I didnt appreciate him paying, but just because, because, yep, that was it, SMACK!

Why did I need to fight with him over a sub sandwich. He was showing me he loved me one of the ways he always has. But I always seem to fight with him about it because I feel I have to.

I feel I have to because he has spent 30 years taking care of me and I was always pissed about something. I was mad about his job, I was mad about a lot of things and I never just said thank you. I never once just let him do something without making a big deal of things.

I do this with all guys because I dont want them to take care of me, because, as my 4 year old niece says, "I can do it myself". I should just back off and let them pay for the sub and see what happens.

I chose to make an intentional decision about letting guys help, letting them pay and not feeling bad about it.

Thank you Planet Sub cashier guy for the Godsmack.

The innocence of little people

I went to a couple of the KCYA ballet and theatre classes this weekend to take pics for a few marketing things I am working on. It amazed me and intrigued me as I sat there taking pictures of how amazing, care free and real kids are. They all were having a blast and just being thmeselves. Even when a person with a camera was watching and snapping immense amounts of pictures of them they were real. They tried hard to keep their toes pointed, their backs straight and arms extended.

They were beautiful with their hearts opened wide at the possibility of what the world has to hold. I miss that feeling and dont know when it happened. I dont remember a specific date or a specific event that made the future seem impossible.

I think this retrospect comes at a great time with the holiday season coming up. The world, the children of the wolrd still have the greatest gift of all time. They can believe, they can trust, and they can be innocent with honestness of who they are. I vow to be a little more open this season. To be thankful for all things and willing to try new things. To be amazed by the little things that kids marvel at. I vow to learn from them and remember what it was like to just be.

Thank you to all the kids I saw this weekend and for God opening my eyes to one of the things I miss the most.

Thought

Okay, so I was having a random thought today and I would like your input. Be honest, boy or girl, and tell me your thoughts.

So this really hot guy came and connected my internet for me on Saturday. I talked, I flirted, and sadly I realized that he was at work and that he couldnt ask me for my number.

So, here is the question I pose, would it have been appropriate for him to ask? Should he have said screw it?

Would it have been appropriate for me to ask him fo his? Should I have said screw it?

Other thoughts?

Realness part 2

So I had planned to do this more often but didnt have a way to get to the internet. Now, I do. So here is the second part of my realness segment and the beginning of the truth.

I went to a Cassarole party today. It was my first and I met some really great people there. I stepped outside my box and actually introduced myself to some people there. I noticed two things, I couldnt talk to the pretty girls and I couldnt talk to the guys. I know that I can, there was just this barrier that stopped me. So, I vow to work on this.

Last week I started running again. Well run/walking at Loose Park. First I would like to say this is a beautiful park. There is a lot of history there as well. I was running and had just started getting to the point were I am sucking air because I dont breath right when an older gentleman walked by and clapped at me. I almost decked him. My gut reaction is to be like, "What the hell is your problem asshole, just because I am fat doesnt mean I am out of shape or dont like to work out."  I didnt I kept running and kept it in. I rounded the next corner and there was another guy walking and he clapped at me as I walked by. This through me over the edge, I lost all track of my breathing and running and couldnt keep going so I just started walking and gave up. I dont understand why I let those people have such a huge impact on my life but more importantly I dont know why I always think the most negative possibility. I automatically went to the idea that they were making fun of me instead of thinking that possibily they were rooting me on. Saying "Good job, keep it up".

This made me do a bit of self reflection about the negativity that I let myself fall into. So I have decided to try to be more positive and optimistic. I have made the decision to be intentional in my being positive instead of negative. I challenge you to do the same. When someone gives you that look that drives you crazy, go up to them, say hi and turn the negative reaction into something positive. When it is raining outside, or snowing :0(, I plan on being thankful because that means the Earth is healing itself and we still have a great piece of nature.

I have been doing more and more outside of my bubble and learning how much I missed by staying in all
the time. Kansas City is a huge town. I say this because it is a city but really has a small town feel. There is a ton of things to do here. There are a lot of great things that you can do for free, or really really cheap. I hope you guys can come and see some of the amazingness of Kansas City and I hope I get to see you here.

Try to be positive and be intentional, if you fail, try a little harder the next day.

"Realness"

I went to this woman's retreat this weekend and really came face to face with a lot of my fears and a lot of what I cant see in myself. Although it is only September I would like to start a new resolution, I Kandice Gerdes, choose from here on out to be honest, real, and authentic. Yes they all mean the same thing in general but when you get down to it, they are all very different and those differences allow for a lot of loop holes. I dont want to use the loop holes anymore. I want to intentionally cultivate my life, plant a healthy seed, and watch it grow. We are all original and have our own realities and I want you to be a part of mine.

I CHALLENGE each and every one of you to look inside, whether male or female and be real about one thing here. You can keep it anonymous if you so choose. And, do not try to sugar coat someone else's realness by telling them they are beautiful, or arent fat, we have this conversation with ourselves all of the time. While I am thankful for your support I want you to be real and just understand my fears and realities. Thank you for understanding.

My realness, I am terrified of the dark, thank you apartment on Culton St. I am terrified that no one will ever love me to the depths of their being and that I will never learn to be able to in turn love that someone to the depths of my being. I am terrified of what is yet to come as much as I am excited and say "BRING IT ON!". I am terrified that I am so fat my body will just give out and die. I am terrified that the woman in my life, myself included, do not realize how special they are and how blessed they are. I am terrified that I will fall flat on my face with the new job and the new apartment and my new life and the most sobering of all is that I am scared of being stuck, stuck in this place where I am afraid to meet new people, I am afraid to step outside my comfort zone and where most of all I am afraid to be real.

I love the ocean, the smell of rain coming, the wind on my face, sitting in a boat on the lake just feeling the rhythm that God is playing out in nature. I hate wearing shoes, no big surprise there. I love to watch plants take on life. I love to paint and see what comes from the vastness of my heart and mind mixed together. I love to drive off in one direction with no real place to go, just to see what is waiting out there. I love my niece more than anything else in the world right now. I love the way babies sound when they are to young to talk but have so much to say. I love to dance, to shake it all out and not care who is watching. I love fried green tomatoes, pears and cheese, sweet tea and ICE CREAM! And I love that I have been blessed with friends like you that come to read a blog that is rarely updated and rarely as exciting as I would imagine it could be.

This is by no means the depths of my reality, it is only the surface, but it is a beginning, a planting of the seed of life if you will. The old seed must die before new life can begin. Again I say, BRING IT ON! and I encourage you to take a minute and be real with yourselves and more authentic with others. It is okay to cry, to laugh, to scream out in anger, or to crumple on the floor because you have no more to give. Know that I will be there to cry with you, to laugh with you and I pray with all my heart that when I am on the floor crumpled, forsaken and bruised that you too will be on the floor for me.

I love you and am so blessed to have been part of a marvelous weekend full of amazing women.

Also check out this page, operationbeautiful.com. It is amazing.

What more. . .

In the last semester I have lost two uncle's, one friend, Dex (the jr. coolest dog ever) and in the past two weeks I had to put my best friend of 22 years, Ashes to sleep. She was my heart and was the one person in the world I would trust with all my secrets. Then on friday I had to put her co-hort in crime, Abby to sleep.

You never realize how much they mean to you and how much they are a part of your life until they are gone. The loneliness has kicked in when you realize there is no one there when you come home at the end of the day.

For all those people out there that complain because their husbands or children are a pain in the butt, think about it, you have someone that with even just a look can tell you that you are loved. Whether you realize it or not, on some level they love you more than you know and more than you give them credit for. For those of you out there that dont have that husband or boyfriend, child or animal to welcome you home, know that I am thinking about you and sending good energy of love and hope your way. You are not alone, you never will be.

Well overdue UPDATES

So, where to start, okay well first of all HI! Sorry it has been such a long while. In all my genius I took three grad classes this semester, while doing Habitat, playing softball, ZUMBA! and the many other extracurricular fun things I decided to partake in this year, oh yeah and working fulltime. Not a good idea, just FYI.

Well in August we started building a Habitat for Humanity House here in Warrensburg. I was lucky enough to be awarded the Volunteer Coordinator position which as most of you know is what I want to do when I get out of school. So to have this real life hands on experience was just an amzing opporunity.

Here is the house in its beginnings and the final project, it is beautiful :D and the support the community gave to this project was just astounding. I cant even begin to thank everyone that came and gave labor hours, helped with thank you cards, making and serving food, plates, forks, etc. I had no idea how much goes into the complete picture of Habitat. I am forever thankful and in awe of the people that do this on a daily basis. I hope to join the ranks shortly.

For Spring Break this year I was lucky enough to get to be a part of UCM's Breakers program again. It is a program that is made up of students, both undergrad and grad students that fundraise throughout the year to be able to go to destinations throughout the United States to build houses for Habitat's Collegiate Challenge. This year we went to Laredo TX which is right on the border of Mexico.

I would like to think that I am not completely oblivious to the ways of the world but was completely shocked that individuals living on the outskirts of Laredo often times to not have clean water. This is not to say they could get water and boil it to be acceptable. The water that they do have access to is so bad that it is unsafe for them to drink it or use it for anything other than dishes and laundry. This is a water house. People from miles come here to fill up what we in Missouri call sistren tanks. They will have to do this a couple times a week as many of them have generations living in their houses.

We were lucky enough to be a part of a project that Habitat started called Tierra Prometida. This program has brought running, clean water and housing to communities in Laredo that would otherwise not have acceptable housing or water conditions. Here is our group, 28 in all.

Our trip started with a very looooooooooooooooong road trip. Our first stop was, hmm, for a lack of better words that would be appropriate, interesting. Lets just say, falling tiles from roof, curled up tiles on floor, old carousel horses in empty pool, and an open mic night. OH YEAH! So, we ended up leaving our first scheduled overnight stop for a hotel a couple of hours further down the road. FUN TIMES! But, I did meet this amazing guy from Australia. He decided to just come to America and travel. The day before he bought a RV and that morning he was going to buy a car. They were going to tour the US and wanted to start in Texas because of all the old Bonanza movies. He tried to explain them to me and I felt like one of those stupid Americans because I dont remember Bonanza. Well, I remember the restaraunt in Saint Louis called that but otherwise, nope. Anyway, back to Laredo.

We stopped at the Laredo visitors center. It was under construction but is still an amazing account of the culture that is so richely based in Laredo.

We then got showed to our rooms and were just so excited and wanted to crash. We stayed at a Baptist church which was newly remodeled and beautiful. We slept on cots which were really comfortable but there was another school with us and we ended up sleeping 40 in the room below. Needless to say if you rolled over you hit someone. So we got to know eachother way more than we had expected. It was great!

This is the house. When we got to the site the outer walls were all that was up. I think this was the most awesome build because we got to meet and work with the family that is going to get the house. This year is the first time I have meet any of the families, I was definitely blessed. I dont have many pictures because I actually got to do a lot of the actual building. This site was very active with Women and so they empowered us to use powertools (my favorite) and get up on the roof. This is what working as a team looks like . . .

This is Zeke up on the roof. He is the build leaderand as I said above was all about letting the girls get in there and get to work.

This is our house on the last day, we started with nothing more than the basic walls up. We hard a rough start and a rainy day but it came together nicely. We were also lucky enough to be able to teach them how to recylce the wood they cut instead of throwing resusable pieces out and how to recylce and make money on the ridiculous amount of water bottles they use on site.

This is one of our fearless leaders and my pilot/co-pilot. We had fun times rockin it out to Manny's pod all the way to Laredo and back. We work together at the college and it was great to get to know each other on a personal level. She and Manny are both very politically sound people that are also extremely deep in the environmentalist acts in our town and state so it was great to pick their brains.

This is our other fearless leader. Her name is Kristi. I couldnt pass up this pic because of her shirt. It says "Where in the heck is Warrensburg MO?" Ha ha ha. And it totally has this dueling banjos looking redneck on it. IT IS AWESOME.

This is the valley that is right next to the build site. There is an old Mexican temple far into the depths and our favorite animal, COWS! It is a beautiful place and I hope it has a beautiful future.

On our rainy day we had to work in the Laredo Habitat's warehouse. The things you find.

Of course we had evenings free so we toured Laredo. The first order of business, save Manny from Border Patrol. Just kidding. Manny and Jeff, our two resident Hispanic Breakers found the Border Patrol very appealing. When we went to the Rio Grande they were everywhere. So Manny and Jeff decided to go talk to them and ended up taking some very interesting pictures. No they did not actually get hauled away.

There was a checkpoint on the railway system that crossed the Rio which slowed all the massively long trains to a halt for at least 30 or 40 minutes while they checked for extra passengers. And this is where the land border patrol check point was. All cars coming in and going out came through this check point bringing a whole new meaning to rush hour traffic.

This is the Rio Grande which borders Laredo. Straight across you can see people enjoying the river on both sides.

Our next adventure while in Laredo was a hockey game. Yes, it was my first hockey game and I saw it in TX. Strange? So I must say that it is not as intense as football however, they basically got out on the ice and beat eachother against the glass, PAINFUL! even to watch.


The last night we were in Laredo the Habitat affiliate through us a Tex-Mex fiesta. It was AMAZING! This is what they fed us. Tamales, beans, nachos, rice, and fruit and celery to cool the heat. I could have eaten this all day long. They had a DJ, they had a park for us to run and play in, and they got us a PINATA! Then they gave us a stick to eat the pinata, NOT SMART! Thank GOD! no one got hurt but we did have to take one person down tackle style because they didnt hear us yell STOP!


Our next stop was the Alamo and the Riverwalk. The first thing our friend Manny did was get into the spirit. He so pulls this off it is scary.

This is the cacti that greeted us as we walked into the Alamo. It was HUGE! and gorgeous.

This is the Alamo. I was so excited to see it but so disappointed by the towering skyscrapers that surrounded it on all sides. Why cant we just leave little pieces of history as just that.

So now we are at the riverwalk. This is one of the many beautiful fountains that line the streets.

This is standing on a bridge looking down on the riverwalk. While this is not the restaraunt we ate at it is one of the many that also lines the streets. Where we were there was no rail and if I had scooted my chair back anymore I would have ended up in the river. IT WAS AWESOME!

Manny who wanted us all to feel his spirit payed for a Mariachi band to come serenade us. They were really good and totally let me get a picture with them. I dont have it on this computer to share but I so will later.

NEXT STOP, Saint Louis hairshow. Every year when Toni and her boss head to Saint Louis to catch up on the newest techniques, color, etc. they let me tag along. I honestly go to be a pack mule but also to hang out by the arch and enjoy the Landing. This is our room, long story short we were supposed to have a pool, no pool. Then the morning we left we woke up to no water. One of the pipes on the third floor burst so the elevators werent working, the water was off for a couple of hours and some of the electricity couldnt be turned on either. BUT, I did get free starbucks for it YES!

This is the view from our window. We got to watch a couple of weddings and a lot of fun families out enjoying the sun and greenness.

You cant tell but Toni and her boss DD are standing in the middle of the Arch. They wanted me to get it all in the pic, but that pretty much eliminated them.

We went to a casino the first night to kind of chill and just have a good time. We knew we could get some pretty awesome food so we went to this hamburger joint and this is my $20.00 hamburger and sweet potato fries, yum.

This is Toni and I at the slots. I tried not to play very much because I dont like wasting my money but as grandma and grandpa G say, I am supporting someone else's bad habit. But all in all it was a great night. Toni's boss won $40, Toni won $45 and as I was walking out I put a one dollar bill in a penny slot and won $60. I about fell out. I hit pay out and said okay, it is time to go home!

This is the hair show. The stylists do models hair and then the models walk around so everyone can see what they are doing and really get some great ideas. Check it out.

This was one of my favorites.

A couple of the stylists did the New York fashion shows this year and brought that into their work here. The ladies below then did a fashion/runway show.

That night we were exhausted but we knew the "Big Bang" was calling our names so we applied the hotness factor and headed out. This is Toni not liking the fact that I dressed her but looking too cute. She wore a cami which is my world and she detests butI think she pulled it off well.

This is all of us, (Kandi on the left, DD in the middle and Toni on the right) trying to take our own picture. Yeah we suck at it.

Toni and DD at the restaraunt on the Landing. We sat outside on the street and ate. Great atmosphere and great food. So much nicer than any "bar scenes" we have around here.

This, my friends, is the "Big Bang". This is our Bon Jovi look alike who also sounds just like him when he sings. It is a little whole in the wall bar with two pianos on stage. The guys playing can play all instruments and sing like no other. What you do is write a name of a song on a piece of paper and put it on their pianos, with donations of course. Then they randomly choose and play a song. They are very good at getting everyone in the audience involved and make even the most mundane songs HYSTERICAL!

This was a new guy, he was awesome also and hot so I had to get a pic.

So on the second day of the hair show we had a great surprise. Tabatha, from Tabatha's Salon takeover. She is brutally honest but she knows her stuff, both hair and business.

This hair style is kind of hard to see but it was so romantic and yet edgy that I had to get a pic. I also loved the dress.

As we were walking out the last day we saw another model who had yet to do her runway show. This is all hair! The hat on top is extensions twirled ridiculously tight and then attached to her head. UGH! It looked painful and heavy but it is amazing what they can do with hair.

Next bit of excitement is our friend snake. Sadly I had my glasses on and thought it was one of Elane's rubber snakes. I kicked it out of the way and it coiled. OH Sh** came to mind and then my dad swooped in to save the day. I brought him to work for the snake people to look at and found out that it is a Black Rat snake in baby form. They dont turn black until they mature.

Still scared the begeebies out of me and I was okay that we killed him, even if I did feel bad once we found out what he was.

I know you all want to know, how is the little person. :D Well she is not so little anymore. She now weighs a whoping 32 lbs. :D She is growing like a weed thought she is really tall and lanky just like her dad. This is a bad picture but we were in the movies. We went to see "How to train your dragon" in 3D, hence the glasses. She did really good and is forever talking about toothless, the main character. She also loves the Frog Princess movie. She got a shirt and could not wait to show me.

She is dancing up a storm. Toni and Steve enrolled her in ballet and tap. She loves it and is really good. She has her first recital at the end of this month. Everyone keeps saying that when she gets on stage she will freak because of all the people. Let me tell ya. She is not afraid of shaking what the good Lord gave her. She comes to Zumba with us and gets up on the stage their and does our dances with us. It is so funny. We will take pics at the recital and put them up for everybody.

And last, but certainly not least, I was giving the most amazing award on Monday. Habitat for Humanity Johnson County awarded me volunteer of the build! I didnt make it to the dedication but they apparently said some really great words about all the Volunteer Coordination I did throughout the build and that I was there for almost every build. It means so much to be a part of something like Habitat and then to be awarded this way cool plaque, I just couldnt ever say thank you enough!

Okay well that is all for now. I will try get more pics of E and put them up now that the sun is out and we can play outside. I hope all of you are doing well and getting to enjoy the sun. Love you and miss you all.